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Self Confidence
Self-confidence is the confidence one has in oneself, one’s knowledge, and one’s abilities. It is the confidence of the type: "I can do this". " I have the ability to do this". Self-confidence is the one thing that is much more important than many other abilities and traits. If you do not have self-confidence, what you do will never become fruitful at all. The fruits of what you do without self-confidence are lost.
Genuine self-confidence is the forerunner of achievements. Self-confidence integrates the powers of mind and body and focuses them towards the goal. Only such a concentrated energy can reach the goal.
Self-confidence is the first step to progress, development, achievement and success. Even if you have a lot of abilities and a lot of knowledge, if you do not have Self-confidence you cannot be a success. But, on the contrary, even if you have only average abilities and knowledge, if you have an unfailingly true self-confidence, chances are that you achieve what you want to.
The successes and achievements in turn will strengthen your self-confidence further. People like, respect, believe and trust persons who are self-confident. It is natural that persons with good confidence are offered leadership and other office responsibilities of groups. More and more opportunities automatically come the way of the person with a good self-confidence. In short, success flows to those who have a genuine Self-confidence.
Tips to improve your self-confidence
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- Improve your Self Esteem
- Self Esteem depends on how one evaluates oneself, one’s abilities and achievements rather than the quality and quantity of these.
By improving one’s self-acceptance, self-concept, and self-image, one can improve one's self-esteem. Unless one is not able to love oneself, like oneself respect and accept oneself as one is -- with all the defects one has -- it is not possible to have self-esteem. People do not accept one who does not accept himself.
Keep a good self-image of yourself in your mind’s eye. Imagine yourself as a strong, confident and decisive person. Foster a positive image of yourself. Never waste your precious time, energy and effort by worrying about your weakness and deficits. Accept your deficits, defects as such understand clearly that worrying and mourning over your defects, deficits, weakness and negatives can never bring their opposites. On the other hand, it will only worsen your position further. So stop worrying over them .
- Think and Act Positively
- Be positive. Think of your wins and successes. Think of your achievements, positives. Find out new opportunities. Be optimistic and be realistic. Start to act confidently and positively. Write down all your positives, strengths, virtues. Write down the recent successes and achievements you had. Keep the list with yourself and append it whenever possible.
- Friends and Peers
- Mingle yourself with people who are optimistic, positive and active. Work with those who have confidence in themselves and in yourself. Avoid the company of those who destroy your Self-confidence and enthusiasm.
- As – If Technique
- Act and speak as if you are confident. As if you are in control of your own destiny, as if you are already a success, as if you are there where you wanted to be, as if you are psychologically a strong person who cannot be affected by external threats of any kind. Act, Speak and believe that you can overcome each and every obstacle, face each and every threat, solve each and every problem.
- Helping Others
- Help others whole heartedly without expecting anything (even thanks) in return. Help others just for the sake of helping. You will gradually gain more and more confidence by this. Again, some day, someone will reciprocate these in some way or other. At least, you will build up more and more goodwill for yourself.
- Be happy
- Be happy. Smile. Be friendly and approachable. Believe in yourself and in your abilities. Believe that when one door closes nine new ones open before you. Believe that there are opportunities and look for them untiringly and without hope.
- Alignment With Stereotypes and Expectations
Behave in line with the stereotyped behavior of those who are confident. This easily makes others think that you are confident. Dress neatly and smartly. Keep yourself straight when walking, standing and sitting. Walk with firm steps, do not be absent minded. Keep yourself energetic and vital. - Be active
- Be active and enthusiastic. Plan your actions and do it effectively and efficiently. Do it full heartedly. Speak confidently. Don’t' be indecisive. If you are aware of your goal, you'll not be indecisive.
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Anger Management
Anger management deals with the management of one’s anger so that the least possible damage is felt to self, others and the environment. This involves understanding one’s anger patterns and dealing with them effectively. One who can manage his own anger effectively can possibly manage the anger of others as well.
Three Stage Anger Management
Anger management can be divided into three stages –
- Managing anger before it even shows in
- Managing anger when you are angry
- Managing anger after your anger
I. Managing Anger Before it Ever Appears
Manage your anger before it manages you. This is the ‘prevention is better than cure’ approach. This is actually the only effective technique for anger management. This involves two steps:
- Understanding the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and anger patterns in particular.
- It also involves having a self-structure that does not cram up stress or that is non-conducive to anger or stress. This is done by continuous practice of some releasing technique such as meditation, relaxation (somatic relaxation like progressive muscular relaxation and psychological relaxation like savasana, autogenic training etc.). And also developing self-confidence, courage etc.
1. Understanding Anger
"Anger is temporary madness." – Osho
You become angry because something or someone has done something against your expectations. An expectation is a shelter – it gives you a security feeling. So when someone breaks your expectations he is breaking your shelter, making you insecure, fearful.
You become angry because you are psychologically a weak person.
"Anger is fear in disguise"
Fear is actually ignorance and fear occurs because there is two.
If your ego is hurt you may become angry. Understand that ego itself is a disease. Dissolve your ego as far as possible. If you have inferiority complex, or have a very deficient ego you will loose your temper very easily.
2. Preventive Techniques
- Practice Relaxation, meditation or the like stress releasing or dissolving techniques.
Practice Holistic Integration Technique (HIT) the simplest and natural Meditation Technique.
Or Use Guided Somato-Psychic Relaxation (GSPR) Technique. - Try the Who Am I technique
- Improve yourself, develop yourself continuously. Break your Personal Rules of Living regarding anger. Be optimistic, positive and have hope
- Live in the present ( here and now) as far as possible.
- Be aware of yourself, your anger patterns. Find the root cause of your anger – it will be fear or lust or attachment.
- Develop self-confidence
- Accept yourself as such. When you accept your negatives, deficits, you do not have any internal conflict at all
- Be simple, open and authentic
- Love yourself, love others. Unless you love and forgive yourself, you cannot love others or forgive others.
- Develop equal-mindedness in the opposites: good and bad, positive and negative, virtue and non-virtue.
- Avoid over sensuality.
- Avoid revenge, hate and hatred. Avoid mugging up stress.
- Don’t be perfectionistic:
Inability to accept errors & mistakes of self and others, non-compromising behavior, inability to cope up with failure and longing for success in all and everything etc. creates tension. - Avoid looking for the negatives in yourself and others.
II. What To Do When You Are Angry
There are no fool-proof techniques available for anger management at this stage. This is the most difficult stage to manage because you are the person who is angry and you are the person who is to manage yourself. Try one or more of the following:
- As soon as you are in control withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irrepairable or irreversible damage to self, others, relationships, and the environment.
- When you recognize that you are angry, just stop doing what you have been doing. Walk around or sit calmly for a few minutes.
- Release the stress (stored due to anger) in a way in which there is least possible harm to self, others, and the environment.
- Breath deeply. Inhale deeply and hold for a second or two. Then exhale deeply. Repeat a few times.
- Become aware that you are angry. Just observe yourself.
- If possible involve in some creative work that can pacify you.
- If possible, divert your attention to something else that can relax you; like humorous films, calming music, watering your garden, going to beach or park or the like.
- Postpone the expression of anger again and again.
- Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you. Speak out to them, if possible.
- If you have love for children, their presence can pacify you.
- Even pets can sometimes pacify you.
- Laugh it out, if you can, by perceiving it in a humorous way.
- Perceive it creatively and constructively and take it as an opportunity to know yourself, your anger patterns and the situation or other people involved.
- As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a lesson. I will show you/him/her’ etc. This will act as a program and will be stored as negative energy.
- Use the Stop Technique
III After the Anger Incident
This stage involves 2 things:
- Analyzing and finding out the root cause of your anger. You will find out that it is one or other kind of fear or attachment.(Attachment also stems from fear).
- Repairing and restoring yourself, others and the environment involved in the anger incident.
1. Analyzing and Finding Out the Root Cause
You may want or expect others to behave on one way or other and they may do the reverse. This might have made you angry. But why did you expect so? They are free to create their own psychological prisons (= programs) for themselves. If you have such expectations, come out of these. These expectations, if you look deeply into it are also your own fears in disguise. Attachment to these give you a security feeling and when they are attacked you become angry. Realize these anxieties and fears.
Think of the damages and losses caused to yourself, others and the environment due to your anger. This awareness will lead to an automatic control slowly.
2. Repairing and Restoring
Repair Yourself
- Practice relaxation, meditation or any releasing technique so that all pend up stress energy is either released or dissolved without disturbing yourself, others or the environment.
- Use humor: read humorous books, watch cartoons or any humorous films etc.
Repair Others and Your Relationships With Them
Apologize if it is appropriate. Do something to recharge your relationship with the persons affected by your temper.
Repair the Environment
If you have disturbed the environment by throwing something, or destroying something, take time to reinstate them as far as possible.
Personal Rules of Living (PRL)
Personal Rules are pre-programmed behavior patterns you have defined for yourself and reinforced again and again. For example: ‘I will do this & this in such a situation’; ‘If I were you I would have kicked him down’ etc. If you have programmed yourself in negative or self-destructive ways, you should dissolve such programs. It is ideal that you have no such programs because they make you more machine than human.
This technique is generally used as a therapeutical technique for the control of obsessive thinking. Some people are haunted continuously by negative or undesirable thinking like thoughts of undressing in the public, thoughts of losing control, thoughts of destroying something etc. They seldom act like these but are very frustrated due to this unwanted and undesired thoughts. When such thoughts occur, they are taught to say STOP to themselves at first loudly and later as the client gains more control, he can say ‘STOP’ silently but emphatically. This is repeated until the thoughts cease totally. By some trials, the frequency of unwanted thoughts slow down and finally ceases altogether.
This technique is found to be useful to some for anger management also. This is because, anger elicits destructive thoughts which need to be checked.
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The Secrets of Work-Management from the Masters
- Know Yourself and observe good self-management skills
- Know your work as deep as you could
- Know your team as deep as possible
- Plan your work effectively and observe good time management skills
- Delegate and empower work wisely
- Observe good working habits
- Stimulate your team with your vision, reinforcement, reward, encouragement; as far as possible, do not punish, scold unnecessarily, or discourage work.
- Be friendly and approachable but don’t be the intimate unless your subordinate is that much developed as not to exploit it.
- Be just, honest and authentic. Don’t show favor, bias, or prejudice.
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‘The Secrets From the Masters’ Series
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The Secrets of Money-Management from the Masters
0. Know Yourself
- Keep your wishes, desires, needs, wants to realistic levels.
(If you are insecure, have inferiority complex, you tend to spend more) - Have an aim and Plan your expenses in alignment with your income
- Have a personal budget
- Record or account your income and expenses
- Keep good money behavior
a: Don’t take loans unnecessarily
b: Don’t lend money that is kept for very important things
c: When you lend money (with the intention of getting it back), give to those who will give it back on time.
d: Always count money when you receive it from others; insist the other to count when you give money to him.
e: Keep word regarding money matters(and on all other matters- this creates credibility/goodwill). - Develop the habit of saving money: Save regularly invest wisely.
- Spend your money wisely &/or propitiously (JIT). A stitch in time saves nine.
- Develop good working habits
- Develop good time habits
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‘The Secrets From the Masters’ Series
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The Secrets of Stress-Management from the Masters
- Know yourself ( in all dimensions possible):
- Keep your aspiration and desires realistic
- Apply the REST technique: Rest before exhausted;
(Relax, Exercise moderately, have moderate Entertainment, have enough deep Sleep, have some Solitude, strive to attain Turiyam [by TM, HIT or any meditation] );
- Develop and maintain good food habits; keep yourself healthy and energetic.
- Develop and maintain good sleeping/waking habits
- Develop and maintain good Human Relations: family, friends, contacts,
- Develop and maintain good working habits: Accept only the work you know you can do or you are willing to do or you are confident of doing
- Be authentic, honest, ethical, moral; No self-deception.
- Improve yourself continuously in all dimensions and possibilities.
- Be yourself, don’t try to imitate; Have internal locus of control
- Learn and practice techniques to cope up with or to release stress/tension.
- Avoid aggression, anger, and conflicts.
The ultimate secret of stress management is to have a self-system that doesn’t create, store, reinforce stress/stress patterns. This is possible only if you are a fully developed personality.
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‘The Secrets From the Masters’ Series
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