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TREATING YOURSELF WITH RESPECT
An important part of our personal development is the view we have of our self. In fact, this is extremely important. You need to like who you are now and have at least a similar vision of respect for yourself as you take your chosen path.
No one can take too many steps towards their goals, dreams and aspirations without liking the person they currently are. A lot of this revolves around honesty.
You probably wouldn't go into the local newsagent with the view to shoplift your favorite magazine or newspaper. It goes against your values and standards. It is also illegal with severe repercussions. One view of success I recently read and strictly adhere to is "you can do anything you like as long as you don't hurt anybody else". What an excellent analogy! In this example, shoplifting would hurt the newsagent proprietors, as you would be doing the wrong thing by them (and more than likely, yourself too).
Similarly, you must feel comfortable using today as your starting point to attack your life plan. Everyone needs a starting point and today is the first day of the rest of your life. Respect can be almost equated to esteem. To have respect for something or someone means you hold a special regard for their talents and/or abilities. This special regard reflects your very own values and standards. It also shares what you believe in and, in part, what you see or would like to see in yourself.
Quite often, we see traits in others we think the world of, but don't really give it a second thought that we could possess these very traits ourself. Unfortunately, many can only see these good points in others. They either fail to look at what they have themselves or what they can do to acquire these traits they have the utmost respect for.
For example, when I first went into telephone sales a number of years ago, my team leader/boss at the time possessed incredible talents on the telephone. The job involved cold calling the Marketing Directors of various companies throughout Europe selling advertising space to different industries.
His power of persuasion was magic. His enthusiasm was electric. His sincerity sung through his sales pitch with bells on. On top of all this he had a firm belief in what he was selling and stood behind it 100%. This ensured customer satisfaction was delivered as he promised it would be. His talents have made him a rather wealthy man. I respect him incredibly. I tuned in to his methods. I listened to him, gradually learning his techniques. I used them and developed them to better suit my style. As I did this, I began succeeding at the same tasks he was already doing. Hey, everything is easy... once you know how!
Had I not been of the belief that I could do any of it and simply asked him to close my deals for me, I would never have succeeded. To develop your abilities you need to have faith in yourself; a belief that you can is a necessity. You also need to have as much respect for yourself as you do for your mentor. This goes back to what we said earlier, "You must like who you are today".
You must look in the mirror and be proud. If you are combing your hair one morning, take a moment to stare at yourself. Doing this should create a moment of honesty. You may briefly feel uncomfortable. Deal with it and look further. What do you think? Is this person cool? Does this person repulse you? Does this person have what it takes to deliver on large commitments to you?
This has everything to do with self-confidence. It is beyond the scope of this report to delve deeply into this aspect, as it is noteworthy of an entire book in itself. It may be something I can put together for you in the future. Self-confidence affects every one of us and if you can't look at yourself and be proud, then you are the person you are hurting. It will obstruct your growth and hold you back. Negative self-image must be overcome to succeed.
You are where you are today due to your previous decisions. Concentrate on the positives - develop them further. Minimize the negatives - they are killers! You deserve respect! You have read this far! You know how important it really is! Those people, you don't respect, are those that you will have little to do with.
Since you'll be spending a lot of time with yourself, it makes good sense to respect this person. It's all about knowing and understanding who and what you are. We have already mentioned how much this has to do with honesty. It's about being very honest with yourself. You will find a proportional link between honesty and self-respect.
© Darren Roberts
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"Making Your Success Inevitable"
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Building Confidence To Choose Wisely
Darren Roberts
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Confidence is not something that can really be taught. It can be learned, but for me to say that I wish to show you how to become confident in 5 easy steps isn't appropriate. Confidence is a trait we all have to varying levels. Those that are very self-assured generally believe in who they are, what they are doing and pursue their convictions with vigor based on this belief. Confidence isn't hard to learn. It comes to you with knowledge, experience and desire.
Through our lifetime, we will tackle new challenges; some will be known quantities while others will be unknown. It is how we tackle our problems and what we learn from them that is important. You can't always confront things that you have no experience in, but if you regularly doubt your confidence, you may become insular and seldom stray from the familiar.
It is through our knowledge of the familiar, where we can draw on our strengths to move on to new and more challenging tasks. It is our knowledge of our abilities, which gives us the strength we need, to ask more from ourselves to move up to the next level. Your confidence is paramount in your success!
Tell me, have you ever heard of any success stories where the Gold Medallist, CEO, President or Prime Minister lacked confidence? Had they done so, then it's unlikely they would have got themselves into their respective position. Your belief in your abilities is your confidence. It is everything. It is a lack of confidence that precludes us from doing many things simply because our faith in ourselves is lacking.
Okay, let's assume your self-confidence is down. Negative results and negative feedback are two major contributors to shaking our own personal belief. There are reasons for negative results, which should be examined in detail. Generally speaking, it is because someone, maybe yourself, had higher expectations than you could deliver. Of course, there are a myriad of possibilities but let's work on this one. When this happens you have two possibilities:
Ø Crawl into your shell full of guilt and shame
Ø Learn from it and bounce back with a vengeance
The first option isn't really an option, as it will zap your confidence. In fact, it will strip you of self-belief
and make it difficult for you to tackle it again. Option 2 is all about learning from your mistakes and jumping right back on the horse. It is your persistence, willingness to learn and your belief in yourself and your abilities, which keeps you marching forward. This will give your self-confidence a major boost.
Remember, failing once at something is simply a learning exercise, which tells you that the way you have just tried isn't working It's not asking you to give up, it's simply closing one door. All you need to do is find another door and open it. It is this attitude that will build your self-confidence, as you will be learning along the way and amending your application and plan.
It is this reviewing as you go followed by adjust, amend and focus that allows you to choose wisely. Nevertheless, you must choose. You can't expect other people to make your choices for you. Sure, others will assist you but the final choice will always be up to you. You will occasionally choose poorly along the way. In fact, you will almost with certainty choose poorly quite regularly at the beginning.
This is normal and to be expected. How else do you get the experience that we all so desperately long to have? It is our decisions, which give us experience to make further and more highly informed decisions along the way.
Can you see how your confidence can build here? As your confidence grows in your abilities, you will become more able. They are directly linked.
You will need to take risks along the way. Dependant upon your personality will be the level of risk you take. If you have a Managed Investment Portfolio then look at the level of risk you have invested, this will give you a good indication of how much risk you will take. It will show you how far out on a limb you may go out of your comfort zone, in order to get what it is you really want. If you don't have such a policy, then draw a parallel. You could write down what your definition of "risk" really is and use it as a guide.
Your self-confidence grows as you grow. This gives you a broader understanding of your options, which allows you to make knowledgeable decisions, utilizing your power of choice. Choice needs to be learned. At the beginning, there is only one option. If we decide on that route then we haven't taken full advantage of our birthright. Every other species on this earth has not got the level of choice that is available to us. Don't let anyone push your buttons. Choose to push them yourself as you pursue your goals choosing to become successful.
Written By: Darren Roberts
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Accepting the problem so as to solve it
"Before we can transcend, we must accept."
This means that before we can solve a problem, we must accept that it is a problem. Our problem. Accepting it means settling down and taking responsibility for it. Many times, rather than accepting a problem, we spend more energy fighting it than would be needed to solve it. How do we avoid accepting a problem? Among the most popular techniques are to avoid, deny, minimize, blame, argue.
I'll use two examples, spilled milk, and a relationship in trouble, to demonstrate what I mean.
AVOID: When the milk is spilled we walk around it, we leave, we discover an urgent task elsewhere. When a relationship is in trouble, we watch TV, immerse ourselves in work, or change the subject if it appears the other person is attempting to raise the issue.
MINIMIZE: "It's just a little drop, who cares!" "We don't argue that often." "I hardly touched her." "We're a lot better off than some people I could mention."
BLAME: "If you hadn't startled me I wouldn't have spilled it." "If only he would stay home more often..." "If only she wouldn't nag..."
ARGUE/DENY: "Why should I clean it up?" "It's not my job!" "I don't have a problem." "If you're not happy, why don't YOU see a counselor, it's not my problem."
It's very easy to see all these techniques when other people are using them, but when it's us, they can seem very rational. The fact is, they all take energy that would be better used in solving the problem, and they do not make the problem go away.
So, when you catch yourself using one of these techniques just stop, take a deep breath, and start figuring out how to solve the problem. I've put my solution together as a Top Ten list, but you see it here first:
1. Catch yourself in whatever avoidance or defensive technique you tend to use.
2.Take a deep breath, laugh at yourself a little.
Consider what you'd say to a good friend who was behaving that way.
3. Accept the problem. It's here. Arguing, wishing it would go away, will not solve it.
4. Gather the facts. What exactly is happening?
5. Survey the severity of the situation.
How bad is it? What will be the consequences if it is not stopped, or solved?
6. Double-check to be sure you are not over-reacting.
Use the information gathered in the last two steps to be sure that your response will not be a
mountain-climbing response to a molehill issue.
7. If possible, acquire the necessary tools or skills to deal with it. For spilled milk, the tool is
probably a paper towel or a cleaning rag. For a relationship, the first tool and most important
tool is honesty, with oneself and with the other.
8. Assess carefully, putting your ego aside, whether you can fix this yourself. There are some things
for which you need expert help, whether it be from a coach, a plumber, or a therapist.
9. Do what you need to do to fix it, with or without help.
10. Use what you've learned to set up a mechanism to prevent repetition of the problem.
© Diana Robinson
About the Author:
Diana Robinson, Ph.D.
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Creativity - Yes You Do Have it!
CREATIVE - Yes, you are!
CREATIVITY - Yes, you DO have it!
When I began studying creativity as the topic of my doctoral dissertation I was amazed at the enormous number of definitions of creativity through which I needed to wade in order to come up with the definition that I would use in my research. In the process, I became very aware that, though some people may bemoan their belief that they are " just not creative," in fact it is almost certain that they have creativity in some form. For some people, the block is their belief that there is no reservoir of creativity for them to tap into. For others, fear of failure, fear of stepping over the edge of what is appropriate or socially acceptable may be a stumbling block.
Because creativity is of such interest to so many areas of our lives, it has been studied intensively, and there are many competing ways of studying it, and of defining it. In general, it is accepted that there are several levels of creativity. True, relatively few of us at attain to the highest levels, but at the other levels we all have a good chance. One series of "levels" that was proposed many years age still works well. This describes creativity levels as emergent, innovative, inventive, productive, and expressive.
Emergent creativity involves bringing forth a principle or idea that is entirely new to humankind, and that has far-reaching effects on how we perceive reality. Einstein and Newton come immediately to mind, which explains why such a level may not be attainable for most of us.
Next comes Innovative creativity. Here creative individuals builds on their knowledge of whatever field they are in, climbing on the shoulders of their predecessors, so to speak, to reach even higher levels of new understanding and ideas.
Inventive creativity finds new uses for existing concepts and parts, while productive creativity is the description given when someone develops objects or ideas that are new to him or her, but not necessarily to other people. Quite often, this may be a developmental stage for those who will, if they do not get discouraged, move on to inventive or innovative creativity.
Lastly is expressive creativity , which expresses feelings and ideas but does not need any particular skill or originality. This is well illustrated by the pictures that parents often place on their refrigerators or family notice-boards after young children have excitedly brought their latest art effort home from school.
Most of us probably hope we have moved past the expressive level, and realize that the emergent level may be beyond us. However, the other three levels may well be open to us. Clearly the person who is innovatively creative needs to have mastered a field of knowledge in order to be able to add to it. The more the field is mastered, the less likely is an individual to come up with an idea that has already been discovered, which would move it down to the "productive" level.
At its baseline, creativity involves developing something new and original, that is yet appropriate for whatever it is needed for. In art, that may mean that there are few limits. In business, the need for appropriateness demands that the creative solution be a real solution, that will work, and will work within the bounds of available resources.
It is said that necessity is the mother of invention. This means that whenever we find a way to do something without the tools, or parts, or other resources that are conventionally required for the task, we are probably being inventively creative. Interestingly, this may mean that we become more creative in hard times. In easy times, when stores and shops are open day and night and there is plenty of money to buy whatever is needed, there is little need for invention, for "making do" with parts that are not intended for the task at hand. When times are hard, or emergency strikes, we
must work with what is at hand, and when we do that, we are being creative. A vivid example is shown in the film Apollo 13, in which the crew members must save their lives, and the mission, using only what was at hand in ways for which the various items were never intended.
For some people, there is the idea that we are only creative if we can paint, or write, or sculpt. Yet creativity is far wider than that. You have almost certainly solved problems creatively for one reason or another, even if it was once making up an excuse for being home late or not having done your homework. I have written before of an individual who once told me how sad he was that he was not creative, when in fact I knew that he was capable of inventing the most fantastic schemes and stories to further his own purposes. Sometimes creativity just needs to be channeled into useful areas.
That is where some people fear creativity - they fear that it will be unduly disruptive, and sometimes it is. Creativity demands something new. This can be threatening to the old. Creativity steps over the lines of what has been done before, and therefore steps into the territory of the unknown. The unknown can be fearsome. Yet, if you do not become friends with the unknown, you will never discover new horizons.
I believe it was the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland who announced that she tried to believe "one impossible thing" every day before breakfast. Perhaps believing the impossible is a bit much. But if we are to learn to welcome our own creativity, and not to fear leaving our well known and well traveled thought patterns (otherwise described as "ruts"), it is not a bad idea to at least try to consider something - an opposing point of view, a synthesis of two opposites, or a completely new use for some everyday item - every day before breakfast.
By pushing the envelope of your imagination, you will nurture your creativity day by day until you never have to think, even for one moment, that you are not creative just because you do not paint, or write, or sculpt. You can be as creative as you allow your imagination to be... for in imagination there are no boundaries.
***
© Diana Robinson
Diana Robinson first published this article her ezine Work in Progress.
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HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR THINKING SKILLS
"The whole of Science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking"
- Albert Einstein
- Introduction
- The Purpose of Thinking
- Can We Improve Our Thinking Ability?
- Why Should We Improve Our Thinking Skills
- Misconceptions and Wrong Notions Regarding Thinking
- Errors in Thinking
- Thinking Formulae
- Lateral Thinking
Thinking is the highest mental activity present in man. All human achievements and progress are simply the products of thought. The evolution of culture, art, literature, science and technology are all the results of thinking.
Thought and action are inseparable - they are actually the two sides of the same coin. All our deliberate action starts from our deliberate thinking. For a man to do something, he should first see it in his mind's eye -- he should imagine it, think about it first, before he can do it. All creations-- whether artistic, literal or scientific --first occur in the creator's mind before it is actually given life in the real world.
The purpose of thinking, paradoxically, is to arrive at a state where thinking is no more necessary at all. In other words, thinking starts with a problem and ends in a solution. Thus, thinking is a tool for adapting ourselves to the physical and social environment in which we are in.
Can We Improve Our Thinking Ability?
Dr. Edward de Bono says that thinking CAN be improved just like any skill because thinking according to him is a skill. He has developed many useful techniques for training thinking skills.
Why Should We Improve Our Thinking Skills
The benefits of developing thinking ability are manifold. By developing one's thinking skills one can make achievements; can become successful; can shine in social life; can attain emotional, social and economic maturity and so on. By developing one's thinking abilities it is possible to transform one's aggressive tendencies, bad temper and other negative tendencies creatively and constructively. It has been found by Dr.Edward de Bono that when school students were taught to think effectively, their ill-temper and aggressive tendencies reduced significantly. Clinical Psychologists have also found that those who have neuroses are poor thinkers compared to normals. Neurotics scored significantly lower scores in decision making, problem solving and creative thinking. Interestingly, when neurotics were taught to think effectively, they showed a remarkable reduction in their neurosis.
Misconceptions Regarding Thinking
There are a lot of misconceptions about thinking even in highly educated people. These notions have been deeply rooted in the society and thus have become very detrimental to the development of thinking skills. It is time and enough that we removed them. The most important of such misconceptions are:
Misconception No.1:
The present education system develops and enhances thinking and so the more educated you are the better thinker you are.
Fact:
Actually, education suppresses free thinking. Creative thinking has almost no place in current education. Moreover, education even destroys creative thinking abilities by its over emphasis on logical thnking and critical thinking which are relatively lower types of human thinking.
Since reasoning, argument, problem solving are given over importance a need to become correct and successful all the time is developed in the student. Again, our present education system is so information oriented that it gives ready-made answers. This kills the student's natural tendency to explore, experiment and to experience. Thus, the highly educated person ends up having lesser ability to think creatively although he/she may have a lot of information at his/her disposal and also have admirable abilities in logical and critical thinking.
Misconception No.2:
Less Educated or Uneducated can never become good thinkers.
Fact:
Actually, less educated display higher abilities in creative thinking. This is because they do not have an inflated ego that demands cent percent correct answers or success in all endeavors. Again, they do not have ready-made-answers (i.e., book-answers) and so are forced to explore, experiment and experience things themselves. This empowers them to go through less explored answers and even find original answers.
Misconception No.3:
IQ and thinking ability are the same. The more IQ one has, the better thinking ability one has. On the contrary, those who have lower IQ have only low thinking abilities.
Fact:
It is true that those who have greater thinking ability, as a rule, have high IQ. But this does not mean that all those who have high IQ are good thinkers. Usually high IQ people use their thinking skills for logical thinking, arguments, critical thinking. They very rarely use creative thinking. Thus high IQ is actually a blockage to creative thinking. It has also been found that those who have average IQ can become better thinkers.
Misconception No.4:
Thinking ability, decision making ability and problem solving ability are inherent and there is very little we can do to develop these.
Fact:
This is the most terrible misconception regarding thinking. In fact, Dr.Edward de Bono (and also many others) have proved that thinking is a skill that can be enhanced by training and practice. Thus decision making, problem solving and creative thinking can be developed and improved.
It is necessary that we should be aware of the errors in thinking. There are five such errors in thinking: 1. Partialism 2. Adversary Thinking 3. Time Scale Error 4. Initial Judgement and 5.Arrogance and Conceit.
- Partialism
This error occurs when the thinker observes the problem through one perspective only. That is, the thinker examines only one or two factors of the problem and arrives at a premature solution. - Adversary Thinking
This is a "you are wrong. So, I should be right." type of reasoning. Politicians are the masters in this type of thinking and they use it to their advantage. - Time Scale Error
This is a kind of partialism in thinking in which the thinker sees the problem from a limited time-frame. It can be likened to short-sightedness. - Initial Judgement
Here, the thinker becomes very subjective. Instead of considering the issue or problem objectively, the thinker approaches it with prejudice or bias. - Arrogance and Conceit
This error is sometimes called the "Village Venus Effect" because like the villagers who think that the most beautiful girl in the world is the most beautiful girl in their village, the thinker believes that there is no better solution other than that he has already found. This blocks creativity. Not only individuals but societies and even the whole mankind sometimes fall prey to this error. For example, before Einstein, the whole scientific community (and thus the whole mankind) believed that time was absolute.
Dr. de Bono has devised some thinking formulae to help us practice thinking as a skilll. Most important of them are: 1. AGO 2. CAF 3. PMI 4.OPV 5.APC
- AGO
AGO stands for Aims Goals Objectives. Since deliberate thinking is actually the manifestation of deliberate use of Will Power, it is important that the thinker should be well aware of the aims, goals and objectives. In other words, a sense of direction is required if one is to use his thinking effectively. - CAF
CAF stands for Consider All Factors. It reminds us that all factors or parameters of a problem should be considered to analyze it. By doing so, one can avoid the error of partialism in thinking. - PMI
PMI is the abbreviation for Plus Minus Interesting. When making decisions, this technique is very useful. First write down all the plus (i.e., positive) suggestions or aspects of a solution. Then write down all the minus (i.e., negative) aspects. Lastly, write down the interesting ideas or suggestions or aspects of the same. Now it is easy to arrive at the best suitable solution of the issue or problem at hand. - OPV
OPV means Other People's Views. In this technique, the thinker thinks from the perspectibve of the different people involved in or affected by the decision or solution. For example, a change in syllabus mainly affects the students, teachers, management and parents either directly or indirectly. So, before implementing a new syllabus, we should think from the perspective of all these people. This is especially important when the decision is enacted upon and through other people. - APC
APC is the short form for Alternatives Possibilities Choices. In this technique, the thinker generates as much alternatives, possibilities and choices for the solution of the problem. The best suitable one can then be selected by applying PMI or OPV.
Dr. de Bono speaks about two types of thinking -- Vertical thinking and Lateral thinking. Vertical thinking is high probability thinking, whereas lateral thinking is low probability thinking. In the former type, the thinker selects the most logical solution possible. This will be the one that is the most used and the most tested one. For example, suppose you want to cut a cake or hard boiled egg into two. Using a knife or a sharp blade to cut it is the most probable and most logical solution. But there are other less probable ways: for example, you can use a twine. The former is an example of a solution arrived at Vertical thinking while the later is an example of a solution arrived at using Lateral thinking.
Dr. de Bono argues that creativity comes from Lateral thinking. He also says that it is possible to improve lateral thinking ( and thus creativity) by deliberate application and practice of the techniques he has devised. He gives two main techniques for improving our problem solving by lateral thinking:
- Divide the Problem into Small Sub-Problems
This allows the thinker to perceive the problem in detail because he is able to approach each sub-problem individually and thus he is able to consider more parameters. - Move Attention from One Part of the Problem to Another Part
When we move our attention from one part of the problem to another, it is possible to view the problem from a new perspective. This would in turn help you solve the problem easily.