Anger Management
Anger management deals with the management of ones anger so that the least possible damage is felt to self, others and the environment. This involves understanding ones anger patterns and dealing with them effectively. One who can manage his own anger effectively can possibly manage the anger of others as well.
Three Stage Anger Management
Anger management can be divided into three stages
I. Managing Anger Before it Ever Appears
Manage your anger before it manages you. This is the prevention is better than cure approach. This is actually the only effective technique for anger management. This involves two steps:
1. Understanding Anger
"Anger is temporary madness." Osho
You become angry because something or someone has done something against your expectations. An expectation is a shelter it gives you a security feeling. So when someone breaks your expectations he is breaking your shelter, making you insecure, fearful.
You become angry because you are psychologically a weak person.
"Anger is fear in disguise"
Fear is actually ignorance and fear occurs because there is two.
If your ego is hurt you may become angry. Understand that ego itself is a disease. Dissolve your ego as far as possible. If you have inferiority complex, or have a very deficient ego you will loose your temper very easily.
2. Preventive Techniques
II. What To Do When You Are Angry
There are no fool-proof techniques available for anger management at this stage. This is the most difficult stage to manage because you are the person who is angry and you are the person who is to manage yourself. Try one or more of the following:
III After the Anger Incident
This stage involves 2 things:
1. Analyzing and Finding Out the Root Cause
You may want or expect others to behave on one way or other and they may do the reverse. This might have made you angry. But why did you expect so? They are free to create their own psychological prisons (= programs) for themselves. If you have such expectations, come out of these. These expectations, if you look deeply into it are also your own fears in disguise. Attachment to these give you a security feeling and when they are attacked you become angry. Realize these anxieties and fears.
Think of the damages and losses caused to yourself, others and the environment due to your anger. This awareness will lead to an automatic control slowly.
2. Repairing and Restoring
Repair Yourself
Repair Others and Your Relationships With Them
Apologize if it is appropriate. Do something to recharge your relationship with the persons affected by your temper.
Repair the Environment
If you have disturbed the environment by throwing something, or destroying something, take time to reinstate them as far as possible.
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Personal Rules of Living (PRL)
Personal Rules are pre-programmed behavior patterns you have defined for yourself and reinforced again and again. For example: I will do this & this in such a situation; If I were you I would have kicked him down etc. If you have programmed yourself in negative or self-destructive ways, you should dissolve such programs. It is ideal that you have no such programs because they make you more machine than human.
This technique is generally used as a therapeutical technique for the control of obsessive thinking. Some people are haunted continuously by negative or undesirable thinking like thoughts of undressing in the public, thoughts of losing control, thoughts of destroying something etc. They seldom act like these but are very frustrated due to this unwanted and undesired thoughts. When such thoughts occur, they are taught to say STOP to themselves at first loudly and later as the client gains more control, he can say STOP silently but emphatically. This is repeated until the thoughts cease totally. By some trials, the frequency of unwanted thoughts slow down and finally ceases altogether.
This technique is found to be useful to some for anger management also. This is because, anger elicits destructive thoughts which need to be checked.
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