deals with the management of ones anger so that the least
possible damage is felt to self, others and the environment. This
involves understanding ones anger patterns and dealing with
them effectively. One who can manage his own anger effectively
can possibly manage the anger of others as well.
can be divided into three stages
anger before it even shows in
anger when you are angry
anger after your anger
Anger Before it Ever Appears
Manage your anger
before it manages you. This is the prevention is better
than cure approach. This is actually the only effective
technique for anger management. This involves two steps:
the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and
anger patterns in particular.
- It also
involves having a self-structure that does not
cram up stress or that is non-conducive to anger or
stress. This is done by continuous practice of some releasing
technique such as meditation, relaxation
relaxation like progressive
muscular relaxation and psychological
relaxation like savasana,
autogenic training etc.). And also
developing self-confidence, courage etc.
temporary madness." Osho
You become angry
because something or someone has done something against your
expectations. An expectation is a shelter it gives you a
security feeling. So when someone breaks your expectations he is
breaking your shelter, making you insecure, fearful.
You become angry
because you are psychologically a weak person.
fear in disguise"
actually ignorance and fear occurs because there is two.
If your ego is
hurt you may become angry. Understand that ego itself is a
disease. Dissolve your ego as far as possible. If you have inferiority
have a very deficient ego you will loose your temper very easily.
Relaxation, meditation or the like stress releasing or
Integration Technique (HIT) the
simplest and natural Meditation
Or Use Guided
Somato-Psychic Relaxation (GSPR) Technique.
- Try the Who Am I technique
yourself, develop yourself continuously. Break your Personal Rules of Living regarding anger.
Be optimistic, positive and have hope
- Live in the
present ( here and now) as far as possible.
- Be aware of
yourself, your anger patterns. Find the root cause of
your anger it will be fear or lust or attachment.
- Develop self-confidence
yourself as such. When you accept your negatives,
deficits, you do not have any internal conflict at all
- Be simple,
open and authentic
yourself, love others. Unless you love and forgive
yourself, you cannot love others or forgive others.
equal-mindedness in the opposites: good and bad, positive
and negative, virtue and non-virtue.
- Avoid over
revenge, hate and hatred. Avoid mugging up stress.
Inability to accept errors & mistakes of self and
others, non-compromising behavior, inability to cope up
with failure and longing for success in all and
everything etc. creates tension.
looking for the negatives in yourself and others.
II. What To Do
When You Are Angry
There are no
fool-proof techniques available for anger management at this
stage. This is the most difficult stage to manage because you are
the person who is angry and you are the person who is to manage
yourself. Try one or more of the following:
- As soon as
you are in control withdraw yourself from the situation
to avoid irrepairable or irreversible damage to self,
others, relationships, and the environment.
- When you
recognize that you are angry, just stop doing what you
have been doing. Walk around or sit calmly for a few
- Release the
stress (stored due to anger) in a way in which there is
least possible harm to self, others, and the environment.
deeply. Inhale deeply and hold for a second or two. Then
exhale deeply. Repeat a few times.
- Become aware
that you are angry. Just observe yourself.
- If possible
involve in some creative work that can pacify you.
- If possible,
divert your attention to something else that can relax
you; like humorous films, calming music, watering your
garden, going to beach or park or the like.
- Postpone the
expression of anger again and again.
- Get into the
company of persons you love or who love you and
understand you. Speak out to them, if possible.
- If you have
love for children, their presence can pacify you.
- Even pets
can sometimes pacify you.
- Laugh it
out, if you can, by perceiving it in a humorous way.
- Perceive it
creatively and constructively and take it as an
opportunity to know yourself, your anger patterns and the
situation or other people involved.
- As far as
possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: I
will teach you/him/her a lesson. I will show
you/him/her etc. This will act as a program and
will be stored as negative energy.
- Use the Stop Technique
III After the
involves 2 things:
and finding out the root cause of your anger. You will
find out that it is one or other kind of fear or
attachment.(Attachment also stems from fear).
and restoring yourself, others and the environment
involved in the anger incident.
Analyzing and Finding Out the Root Cause
You may want or
expect others to behave on one way or other and they may do the
reverse. This might have made you angry. But why did you expect
so? They are free to create their own psychological prisons (=
programs) for themselves. If you have such expectations, come out
of these. These expectations, if you look deeply into it are also
your own fears in disguise. Attachment to these give you a
security feeling and when they are attacked you become angry.
Realize these anxieties and fears.
Think of the
damages and losses caused to yourself, others and the environment
due to your anger. This awareness will lead to an automatic
relaxation, meditation or any releasing technique so that
all pend up stress energy is either released or dissolved
without disturbing yourself, others or the environment.
- Use humor:
read humorous books, watch cartoons or any humorous films
and Your Relationships With Them
Apologize if it
is appropriate. Do something to recharge your relationship with
the persons affected by your temper.
If you have
disturbed the environment by throwing something, or destroying
something, take time to reinstate them as far as possible.
Rules of Living (PRL)
are pre-programmed behavior patterns you have defined for
yourself and reinforced again and again. For example: I
will do this & this in such a situation; If I
were you I would have kicked him down etc. If you have
programmed yourself in negative or self-destructive ways, you
should dissolve such programs. It is ideal that you have no such
programs because they make you more machine than human.
The Stop Technique
This technique is
generally used as a therapeutical technique for the control of
obsessive thinking. Some people are haunted continuously by
negative or undesirable thinking like thoughts of undressing in
the public, thoughts of losing control, thoughts of destroying
something etc. They seldom act like these but are very frustrated
due to this unwanted and undesired thoughts. When such thoughts
occur, they are taught to say STOP to themselves at first loudly
and later as the client gains more control, he can say
STOP silently but emphatically. This is repeated
until the thoughts cease totally. By some trials, the frequency
of unwanted thoughts slow down and finally ceases altogether.
This technique is
found to be useful to some for anger management also. This is
because, anger elicits destructive thoughts which need to be